Green Grass

I'm rehearsing a workshop of a new musical. I don't know if I'm supposed to talk about it on the internet so for now I'll call it 'Another Attempt at a Rock Musical: the Musical.' There are some quasi-famous people participating in this workshop. Most every one of the actors involved are currently in Broadway shows (I think I'm the only one who's not which makes me feel very special) and one of them won a Tony last year. My Dad asked me the other night:

"Do you think they're impressed you did Mamma Mia?"
"Dad, when there are Tony winners in the room, no one is impressed by Mamma Mia Las Vegas."

Most people have to leave rehearsal at various times - to go do a matinee or to go to rehearsal for their other show. I had one schedule conflict and it was so I could go work a shift at the bar. The stage manager was like:

"Do you still have that . . . thing to do tomorrow afternoon?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Just had to ask."
"Ok."
"And you still have to leave at 2?"
"Right."

Then the next day (the day that I had to leave early to go do my "thing"):

"Ok so you still have to leave early?"
"Yes."
"And what time do you have to leave?"
"2."
"Ok, 2:30?"
"No, 2."

We finished rehearsal that day at 12:45 so I don't know what the big deal was.

Then one time I was talking with one of the 'famous' people about his show:

Me: so are you in a show right now?
Him: Yeah I'm in That One -
Me: Oh yeah you're still in That One Musical that Won a Bunch of Awards.
Him: Yup. I'm still grinding away at that one.
Me: Well, that's a pretty good one to be grinding away at.
Him: Yeah I guess so. That's true. It's weird because a lot of the original cast has left now. There were 11 of us in the Broadway production that started with it from the beginning and now there's only 4 of us left.
Me: Oh that must be weird. But that's such a great job to have, there's no reason to leave that show.
H: Yeah exactly, there's no reason to leave until something really great comes along. Maybe this . . . it's cool cause I don't have like a set date I have to leave so I can stay as long as I need to.
M: Oh yeah? You just have like a 4 week out?
H: Yeah.
M: That's awesome. That's so amazing.
H: Yeah, I guess so. I don't know I really wish I didn't have to go do a show tonight.
I touch his arm and look him in the eye. After a dramatic pause-
M: But - but you are so lucky.
as if this has never occurred to him before-
H: Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Work is work I guess. I didn't want to go to the bar, he didn't want to go star in Spring Awakening. (Oops! I let that one slip.) I like to think that when I'm starring in a Broadway show, I'm going to be thankful everyday to be going to work and I'm going to always have all this energy and always be enthusiastic and I'm going to love doing the show every night and it won't feel like work because I'll be living my dream and I'll have worked so long and hard to get there. I also like to think that I'm going to be satisfied once I "get to Broadway" as if I'm there's some magical stasis in which I'm not going to be stressed out any more about my career or my next job or having enough money or having enough talent.

But the grass is so GREEN over there! It's SO GREEN on Broadway!! Even if I were in Spring Awakening, what if I were one of the kids who didn't win a Tony? Then I'd be thinking, "The grass is so green when you have a Tony! I'll be satisfied once I win a Tony." But meanwhile the Tony winner is like, "This Broadway grass is played out. I'll be satisfied once I star in a major studio film." And then you do your movie and you're like, "I wish I'd won an Oscar for that." And then the Oscar winning Hollywood stars are like, "I've lost my artistic integrity, I wish I could do a Broadway show."

So I'm trying to be happy with it for what it is. It is a great opportunity. And I'm meeting all the right people. Maybe it will move on to Broadway and become a big hit, and maybe I'll get to move with it. Or maybe they'll replace me with some skinny 22 year old with a degree in musical theater. Whatevs. I'm trying to be happy with what I have now, because once I get to Broadway, I'm just going to wish I had my nights free.